11/5/10 - An Open Message from Your EAP:
Many changes occur in our lives that can cause feelings of grief, anger and a sense of loss, and the recent result of our union representation election is definitely one of those events. While many of us have lived through mergers, acquisitions and even the change to a new union during the course of our careers, none of us has ever lost our union entirely. A change this significant is not easy, and learning to deal with it in the coming weeks and months is bound to be difficult – it may seem overwhelming, and will be a challenge to “metabolize” psychologically. Your AFA EAP Committee members are here for you. We are continuing to take calls, and still may be helpful with some ideas and suggestions for your particular struggle, so please call on us. Please call Rosemary Miller at 775-303-7592, Denise Lilly at 631-377-1763, or any one of the local EAP Reps on the roster link on this page. We may have lost our representation, but we have not lost each other. Please don’t hesitate to call!
The Experience of Grief
There are many changes that occur in our lives that can trigger feelings of grief and loss, and the loss of our union representation is a significant one. Most of us go through more than one of these kinds of experiences in our lives, but they are never easy. Leaning to deal with them is often difficult because they can be overwhelming and hard to “metabolize” psychologically.
What is Grief?
Grief can be defined as intense emotion felt when someone experiences any kind of loss that is significant. It is the process of working through the pain of loss, and is a functional necessity, not a weakness. There is no one “way” to grieve; nor is the process described here all-inclusive of the vast range of experiences after a loss. Also, typically people view significant loss as a death of a family member or close friend, but there are many life changes and transitions which produce feelings of loss and grief. In our current case, it is this:
Job/School-related Change
• Gain or loss of a promotion or career opportunity
• New work conditions, hours, or responsibility
• Graduation
• Moving
• Retirement
People can also experience grief when they have gone through a series of losses. If you don’t have enough time between losses it is more difficult to heal and the impact of even small losses is often great.
Stages of Grief
Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a famed Swiss psychiatrist, noticed that many of her patients who had recently suffered a loss of some sort went through as many as five observable phases of grief. The phases she observed in her patients are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Despair, and Acceptance. The Kübler-Ross model is usually presented as if the stages happen in a certain order, but it important to note that this is not the case; Kübler-Ross herself cautioned that not all people go through all five stages, and not always in this order.
Know What to Expect!
When a loss occurs it is important to recognize that loss. Often people will ignore it, and act as if nothing happened. Although this is normal, unfortunately denial doesn’t allow the opportunity for healing. Sometimes what looks like denial is really shock—disbelief that the loss has occurred even if the loss was anticipated. Someone may operate on “auto pilot” for a while before the full impact of the loss is felt.
What seems to be an opposite reaction is emotional release, which is a huge display of emotion. Memories of the lost person or situation can produce feelings that are overwhelming and sometimes lead to depression. A person can also experience a stage of anxiety in which they may have disturbing dreams and many unanswered questions such as, “Why me (her/him)?” and “What if…?” or “What now?”. Physical symptoms including headaches, fatigue, insomnia or stomach upset can develop as a result of the depression and anxiety.
Anger toward the lost person or object and hostility toward others is quite common in the grief process. People often also feel guilt about these negative feelings. A variety of fears can arise until the healing can begin.
Being gentle with yourself, and letting go of the pain is important for eventual healing. Eventually, a process of acceptance is necessary for the wound to heal. Healing takes time. There is no fixed timeframe where all grief is resolved for all people. And, healing does not mean that you will never experience sadness about the loss again; it means you have let go of the pain that makes it difficult to continue your life.
Ways of Dealing With Grief
As you move through the experience of grief there are things you can do to ease the process.
• Understand that grief comes in waves. Try not to resist these waves but allow yourself to flow through them. Be patient with yourself!
• Get support from friends and relatives. If someone offers help, let them; it may be the way they show their friendship and love.
• Ask for what you need. Having someone listen to your thoughts and feelings about the loss is very healing.
• Feel your feelings! Expressions of grief aren’t “breaking down”, they’re “breaking through”.
• Take care of yourself. Grief can be fatiguing, pay attention to your physical needs. Both rest and exercise are important.
• Follow your routine. Get involved in your life to the degree that you can. Some are able to do so sooner than others—that’s okay; go at your own pace.
• Put off unnecessary decisions and set small goals that are achievable.
• Know when to get help. If you find you’re abusing alcohol or other drugs to numb the pain or you feel you’re stuck somewhere in the grief process, there are many resources available.
Loss in our lives is inevitable, but with time, patience and support, we can emerge from the grieving process with a new understanding of ourselves and our experiences. If you would like to talk with someone, please call Optum Health at 800-533-6939 or Rosemary Miller at 775-303-7592. (Adapted from: Creative Commons-Attributions Share Alike and Texas State University Counseling Center)
Posted on 11/05 at 12:29 PM
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